As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize