if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
