I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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