nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
