At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize