You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
