I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you win again, gameday.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
