VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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