EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
