I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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