Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
