I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
