Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
