it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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