my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
