I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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