from now on my penis is your penis
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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