so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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