I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize