eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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