I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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