lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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