just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
