I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
