when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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