Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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