My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
