Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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