3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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