Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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