You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I want is dick and wine.
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