wat bout pragnant strippers??
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
