Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
