we're blogging at a bar
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she smelled like a LAN party
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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