1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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