I heard we made out
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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