We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize