Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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