Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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