No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
