I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
