You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
