brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
