i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I want a musical about memes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
