I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
