she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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