Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
