Ambien. No doubt about it.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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