I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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