Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
