Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
