I'm sorry my penis didn't work
birth control should be required to get into college
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
