you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
