all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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