I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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