She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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