If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Bring me that man meat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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