Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize