She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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