fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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