just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
