He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Couch. On fire.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
