i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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