just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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