All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
