I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
