I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
