I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
