When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
