Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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