I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
