my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
