You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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